Dr. Ade
Welcome to the Modern Midlife Collective podcast. The place where we get unapologetically real about thriving in midlife health, hormones, and everything in between.
00:12
Dr. Jillian
I'm Dr. Jillian.
00:13
Dr. Ade
And I'm Dr. Aday.
00:14
Dr. Jillian
Together we're your guides to navigating this powerful season with confidence, strength, and the wisdom you deserve.
00:24
Dr. Ade
Welcome to the Modern midlife collective. I'm Dr. Adei Akindepe, Dr. Of nursing practice, functional medicine, expert and specialist in hormone health and sustainable weight loss.
00:35
Dr. Jillian
And I'm Dr. Jillian Woodruff. I'm a board certified gynecologist, a sexual medicine expert, and a nationally certified menopause provider. And we are here to have real talk, real conversations with women like ourselves, women in midlife who want to take back control, who want to educate themselves on issues at midlife and have the power to thrive.
01:00
Dr. Ade
Okay, so let's talk about this. This topic really resonates with me so much. The pressure to have it all. The perfect family, a fulfilling career, glowing skin, strong marriage, healthy lifestyle, meaningful friendships, volunteering. I mean, the list goes on and on. And then looking good, right? While trying to do it all.
01:24
Dr. Jillian
Right. I thought that we are supposed to have it all, and we're supposed to do it all. Well, I really believe that. I believe that if I just worked harder that I could have everything. And now, I mean, it took me quite some time to realize that is not the fact. I think that is a myth that you can have it all. You can have a great life, but you can have things at different times. Times. So there's a season for everything. And some seasons, one thing will require more attention than other things. And the next season, it can change. And the next season, it's also different. So you may be able to have it all, but not at the same time.
02:04
Dr. Ade
You got that right. I mean, you've started a business, I've started a business. And we see how much it can take so much of your time. In the beginning, things start to coast. So it's really hard to really balance everything and have everything all at the same time, dialed in, friendships, and all of those same things. So absolutely, because I felt the same way. And I realized I was trying to prove something that no one was even asking for. How could you possibly make sure that you have everything dialed in? And then I started to realize, you know what? No, it's okay to step back sometimes and pause and make time for other things. It's a constant juggling act. Right?
02:47
Dr. Jillian
That's right. Exhaustion is not a part of success. So is there something in particular that you've stepped back from in order to protect your peace or in order to have the life you want?
02:59
Dr. Ade
Yes, absolutely. It's basically just saying no too many things. And, Jill, you know me very well, you know, just like you know, we have so many different things we want to do. We have family, extended family, business, and all kinds of things. But I had to learn at some point to start blocking out time and not letting other things in that will suck up that time. And one of the biggest things for me personally was really relationships and making sure that I create space for relationships and not adding more to my plate, that's going to suck up the time. Because at the end of the day, that's one of those big things that really matter at the end of the day. So I think for me, that was the biggest thing. How about you?
03:42
Dr. Jillian
I think it's so tough, and I'm still learning. I've probably two things. One thing would be not feeling guilty. I think that's what's protected my peace. Not feeling guilty when I say not feeling guilty when I say yes and get help in my home. I think over the years, we've had a lot of help. And I know that I can't do it all, especially when it comes to caring for kids. And I know some people do it. You know, they're at home all the time. And even comparing myself to other people, that's a hard one, too. Like, do not compare yourself to other people. There is no great way to parent the perfect way. Right? We have to do what works for us.
04:24
Dr. Jillian
And so for me, it was like I was okay with getting help to make those lunches and to drive kids to school. And for others, that's their special time with their kids. And for me, it was going to. You know, my son's basketball games was important to me. So if I help on the front end, then I can do those other things that I felt were part of our bonding, I guess. And having that relationship with him, yeah.
04:50
Dr. Ade
That is so, so great. And I tell my clients all the time when I'm coaching them that if you have trouble saying no or you feel like you have to be all. To everybody, you have a boundary issue. And unfortunately, a lot of women are really just spreading themselves so thin, and it's okay to say no and not feel guilty. So I think that's great that you're doing that. So let's talk about burnout, right? Burnout is real. And unfortunately, many women, successful women, are experiencing this, and they're Just constantly going and just running on empty. What does that look like for you? Is that something that you experience and how have you overcome that?
05:30
Dr. Jillian
Definitely. One of the ways that I've experienced burnout is when things that used to give me joy no longer do, or I kind of dread doing those things now. You should continue to get joy from the things that you got joy. But I would be like, oh, let me just get through this and then get to the next thing. That's burnout. And then another way I recognize burnout is when my marriage is suffering, when I'm not spending time with my husband because I'm doing these other things. And not only the time that I spend on these other things, but it's the way these other things may make me feel because they're adding to a whole laundry list of things you have to do. And so it's increasing anxiety for me and increasing my mental load is going towards that.
06:20
Dr. Jillian
And so then that changes how I communicate with my husband. It changes our together time. And sometimes you don't realize that's happening until kind of your relationship kind of tumbles a bit, and then you're like, whoa, what happened? Where did we end up?
06:35
Dr. Ade
Yeah. That is so interesting. Thank you for sharing that. I think for me, when I realized I was really burned out was actually late last year when that Monday morning, it's like gloom. It's like, oh, man. It's like before you even get up out of bed, there is that overwhelming feeling already that you already feel paralyzed. It's like you don't even know where to start. You'd rather just lay in bed. I think for me, I was like, okay, there's too many to do's. What can I take off of my list? Because I can't possibly do all of this. And that just leads me to like, where do you go from there? How do you get past the burnout so you can start to do the things you love? So let's share a few things. Dr. Jillett, feel free to go first.
07:18
Dr. Jillian
I definitely. I'm learning, and I learn from you, too. I think just like younger people have, there's this fear of missing out. And I think even professionally, I have. Maybe we need to do a new term for this. But I have a. Some sort of fear of missing out, like a fear of not doing things. And that's something that I have to, you know, figure out. Like, I want to do everything. I get so excited about this podcast that we're doing. I get excited about sharing and educating, but that's yet another thing that we're adding on to. Even we have a business. Yes. But we also are clinicians in our business. Right. This. It couldn't run without us. We left. Or what business would there be? Right. And so we're taking care of our patients. And then I feel some sort of.
08:07
Dr. Jillian
I don't want to say like this martyrdom, but I encounter women who aren't being listened to or taken seriously, and then I want to do all the things and I'm like, you can't do everything. So I think I'm sharing things like normal, you know, this is me. This is, you know, what comes into my life. And so I take time off, and thank goodness I can do that. You know, just taking that time off to explore other parts of me, other creative parts of me, other passions that I have, or just to be with my family. Just making sure that I commit to taking the time that I need to be me and to take care of me. I think that's a big deal.
08:52
Dr. Jillian
And if you're at a place where you can't do that, then figuring out how you can, I think that would be important.
09:00
Dr. Ade
Absolutely. I love that it's carving out time. There's only 24 hours in a day, and I think it's important to have clarity on how you're going to spend that time. I just started getting better at it. I mean, it's not perfect all the time, but looking at my calendar and saying, what can I delegate? Because I have to admit it, sometimes it's like I feel like if I don't do it's not done correctly. I have to be in control of everything. And I'm not sure if you can relate, but you can't do it all. Delegate, delegate. You know, do I have to write this email? Email? Can I give it to a virtual assistant to do it and trust that this virtual assistant has the instructions and will do it right and let it go trusting.
09:47
Dr. Ade
Now my medical assistant is looking through the in basket, these little things that start to eat into our time, and then we're not getting the things that we need to do. I mean, we're business women. We're. We have children, we have husbands that really all demand our time. So it's like, okay, what are some things that I can take off of my plate so that I can be my best self to the people that really matter and my patients so that I can be focused? And I'm not dreading having to go in and see my patients and at the End of the day, crash. Because I haven't done all of the things that I should be doing. So yeah, it really is learning to trust people. I think that's something that I'm really focused on in this next season.
10:28
Dr. Ade
And then also you mentioned taking time for yourself. That's because become very important for me because I spent so much time in school getting my doctorate and getting my MBA and starting my business and I loved all those things. And higher achievers, we want to do all the things. But I also noticed it was really starting to impact my mental health, my well being, my physical well being. You know, being overweight for so long was because I just neglected myself. So it's important that I have that time. Whether it's in the mornings or most times right now I don't really have that time because it's so busy. But even if it's just 15 minutes of focus time, whether it's prayer, whether it's meditation, whether it's getting on my peloton bike, that 15 minutes changes everything.
11:16
Dr. Ade
It allows me to do some self affirmations and say, yep, you got this. Don't worry a day. You are beautiful. You got this, Adey, you were strong, you got this. You are smart. All those little pauses in my day really sets me up for success. Those little moments is really important.
11:35
Dr. Jillian
You made so many great points. This last one's probably the most provocative is the words that you speak have so much meaning, they carry so much weight. And when you speak those words, you believe those, you know, the things that you say, they become your beliefs and then that becomes how you practice how you live your life. So I love that. You also earlier mentioned using virtual assistants and delegation. And I have the same issue, I guess that you do is that you want to do something, you know you can do it right and so you do it right. But delegation is just as important for you as it is for the person you delegate to. That is your opportunity to certainly trust somebody, but their opportunity to learn and grow and progress as well.
12:25
Dr. Jillian
So if you have someone to delegate to and you continuously take back their job, they will never progress and you're stunting their own growth in life. So using this as, you know, building your team. So whether it's a team in your home or it's a team in your workplace. And you talked about virtual assistants, maybe you want to share some more about how a virtual assistant can work in your life, professionally, personally. That would be, I think really great to share and how you kind of get them going.
12:53
Dr. Ade
You know, yeah, virtual assistants, it is so great. I mean, this is not just for business owners. This is for everyone. If you can get, I mean, very cost effective. Someone not full time, you know, just a few hours a week, someone, they can help you check your emails. Someone that can make sure, maybe come up with a grocery list or maybe even order your groceries if you feel like that's something that you need help with. You know, there's a lot of online deliveries now or maybe picking up your groceries. Those things take time, going through the grocery store and picking out groceries. You know, if you have a set list, they can order your groceries. You pick it up from work. I've had virtual assistants even help with presentations for work.
13:32
Dr. Ade
Or we're members of Jack and Jill and sometimes I just don't have the time to organize things. I'll have somebody get in there and just, hey, could you just do this small project and it's just project based. You don't have to pay them 40 hours a week. That could really take a lot of time from you. And you can use that time towards things, quality things that you really need to be doing yourself. Game changer. Highly, highly recommend it. And apart from virtual assistants, I mean, there's other things in the home that you can delegate. If you are inundated with laundry, right? And you just need somebody to help you with laundry, there's laundry services if you have the means, maybe getting a chef in the home to help you with cooking so that you can have good meals.
14:17
Dr. Ade
And you shouldn't feel guilty that you're doing these things. It's allowing you to be your best self, the best mom, wife, whatever you have to do so that you show up as your best self, that's what really matters.
14:29
Dr. Jillian
And if you enjoy cooking for your family, I mean, I do not, but if you enjoy that, then you should keep that task and delegate the things that will help you. Like she said, the groceries. You could even have somebody to make a meal plan. And there's AI, right? You could have AI. There's so many programs that can do that. But a virtual assistant has the touch of, you know, being trained by you and can do things that maybe even working with AI, things that take time because it does take time to work with an AI program. But thinking about what is it that only you can do? What is it that you love to do? Those are the things that you keep on your plate.
15:10
Dr. Jillian
If there's something that you do because you do it well, but you're not the only person to do it. And it's not something that you love. Delegate that somebody else can do that. Because your focus needs to be on those game changing things, especially as a successful, highly motivated person, especially as a working person, you need time. And then to develop those relationships take time and effort. And those are things that really fulfill you in life. And so you do need to put time into that if those relationships are important to you.
15:44
Dr. Ade
Absolutely. And for those of you listening, ask yourself, really ask yourself, what's something I'm doing? Because I feel like I should, like Dr. Jill just says, not because you want to, but should. What can I let go this season going into the second quarter of the year and very exciting things on the horizon. I can't wait to share it with you all. But I think that's one of the things I think, Dr. Jill, we would love to just empower women on is in this season of your life, how can you make sure that you can be somebody people can lean on but at the same time not feel guilty when you say no? What does success look like for you? Whether it's in your wellness, whether it's in your business, whatever that looks like life? Right?
16:26
Dr. Jillian
Right. Absolutely. If you're feeling tired, if you're feeling overwhelmed, if you're feeling guilty, if you feel like you're failing, you're not alone. And we're right here with you. And that's why we created the modern midlife collective. So we are figuring this out too. And we want to share the strategies that have work and are working for us right now. We're all in this together. We're learning from one another and sharing what we've learned with others. And we want to normalize the nuance and the complexity of our lives and of being women in the workforce, aging. We're here to talk about it.
17:09
Dr. Ade
Absolutely. And we really hope this episode gave you permission to release the pressure, take deep breath, protect your energy, and rewrite your definition of having it all.
17:22
Dr. Jillian
Yep, you can have a rich and meaningful life without the burnout, without the overwhelm. You just are not going to have everything all at the same time. There's a season for everything. This time of your life, this first quarter, this may be the time to devote to a passion project of yours. This second quarter, your kid may need more attention as their navigating the end of the school year and the third quarter may be very different. And it is okay to ask for help, to delegate, to lean on your friends, to lean on your family, and to lean on others that are going through it too.
18:05
Dr. Ade
Absolutely. Well, if this episode resonated with you, send us a direct message at Dr. Gillian Woodruff or at Dr. Ade Akindepe underscore DMP. Share your thoughts or forward it to a friend who really needs to hear this in this season.
18:24
Dr. Jillian
Yes, I'm sure you know somebody that needs to hear what we share, so share this episode with them and make sure to follow us so you know when we will be coming back to you. And thank you so much for joining us on the Modern Midlife Collective.
18:43
Dr. Ade
Thank you for tuning in to the Modern Midlife Collective podcast. We hope today's episode has inspired you to take bold steps towards thriving in midlife.
18:52
Dr. Jillian
If you loved what you heard, please leave us a review and share this episode with a friend who's ready to step into their power.
19:00
Dr. Ade
We'll be back next week with more insights, strategies and real talk to help you live your best life at any age.
19:07
Dr. Jillian
Until then, remember, thriving at 40 and beyond isn't just possible, it's your birthright. We'll see you next time.